In Pursuit of Happiness

I received a repair invoice for my laptop, Ms. Daisy, today. It's going to cost 12,500 Kshs (~$170) to replace the hard drive. The quote certainly gave me pause as I reconsidered having a laptop. While I was going over my options, I thought about all the other life amenities I'd brought from home: my guitar, mp3 player, books, journal, letters from Emily, USB card reader, camera, frisbee... All these things function differently yet had served one general purpose: make/keep me happy. And as one can tell from reading my September Newsletter, they didn't work.

But nor could they. As much as I could argue the utility of these things, they aren't necessary to my happiness. We Americans are told to pursue happiness, that it's our right, yet what does that mean? Does the search ever end? Maybe happiness is wanting what we already have... In searching for others' thoughts on happiness, I came across this quote by C.P. Snow: "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase: if you pursue happiness you'll never find it."

Frankly, I don't think even God offers to make us happy. In Christ, we're offered a more abundant life, a life full of challenge, blessing, love, laughter, crying- a life in the fullest sense. Yet we constantly settle for the ordinary, for the things which we can see, for we think this will make us content. The unseen is rather unsettling, after all. But to go beyond oneself and reach into the unknown requires taking God's hand and trusting not in one's own understanding.

I am thankful to have less distractions here in Kenya. I feel God is taking some things away from me, and it's painful since I've relied on them to satisfy me in some way. Yet I'm also learning that these things aren't necessary to my well-being. I thought I knew that, but returning to simplicity means re-learning a lot about yourself. Sure, I understand, but do I believe it? Do I practice it?

That said, I think I am going to pay for my computer repair, keeping in mind my new perspective. I no longer seek happiness from these things but instead look forward to seeing how God will blessfully challenge me and others through it... if indeed that is in the gameplan.