September Newsletter

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
~ Proverbs 16:9, NKJV

Each day in Nairobi begins rather cold and bleak. The sun remains hidden behind the clouds and dry, sooty air fills my nostrils. As I exit my apartment complex, I give a hardy Hujambo! (How are things?) to our uniformed guard, a man old enough to be my grandfather. His worn face explodes in wrinkles with an emphatic Nzuri sana! (Very well!). And despite the cold, dark morning the joy in his eyes warms my soul.

Africa is not as different as I thought it might be, yet with my new life comes many new challenges.

Electric power is not a given, even in the city. While shaving my head with a beard trimmer (not recommended), the power shut off. I dubbed the resulting shrubbery the “Serengeti,” and finished mowing when the power returned two days later.

Toilet seats don’t necessarily stay where they’re supposed to. Jet lag kept me up my first night here, so 3 AM found me sitting on the toilet lid reading. As I shifted my weight the plastic shattered below, sending me into the latrine and shockwaves throughout the house.

Things don’t work like they’re supposed to. I brought my computer, Daisy, with me to type up blog entries, listen to music and watch DVDs. After her recent crash she’s on critical life support. I may soon have to pull the plug.

I thought I would buy a bike to get around, but instead I find myself walking everywhere. I thought my work would involve traveling to all parts of Africa, but for now I’m working on a newsletter for last year. I expected to be living on my own, rather than finding myself sharing a key with my roommate. I expected loneliness would only come much later, maybe after things became routine; not lurking around every morning and night.

I struggle with these false expectations, these dark shadows in my life. Yet when God turns on the lights I discover I’m wrestling with my Self. Thoughts solidify into expectation, and I hurl these rocks at my newfound reality called Living in Kenya. My heart desires one direction while my steps go another.

I can either fight to stay on the path, striving for what I need or want to accomplish, or I can simply give up. And when I do, I find my God waiting, with arms wide open. My loneliness is no longer a barrier to new life, but a threshold to experiencing God’s grace more abundantly. The reversal of expectation in the story of Christ astounds me. Just when we give up searching, we find what we were looking for. I find purpose when I give over to God my own ambitions and follow the movement of the Spirit.

Thomas Merton, a Catholic monk, writes, “Do not depend on the hope of results… the big results are not in your hands or mine…In the end it is the reality of personal relationships that saves everything.”

By the time I arrive at work, sunrays streak through the cloud cover and the wind brings fresh Kenyan air from the countryside. I open my inbox to read a message from a good friend: “Give some Kenyans a smile and some warmth every day.” I turn and greet the secretary, Esther.

I’ve given up on results, on looking out for what am I going to do here in Kenya. For now, I will let the Spirit flow. I will greet my coworkers. I will smile at the children shouting mzungu! I will laugh at myself. I will cry alone at night.

As God directs my steps, my heart will follow.