My "Final" Newsletter

I Am Not Harry Potter – Adjusting to the Ordinary

Hello there! Ever since I returned to the States about one month ago, I’ve been busy putting my life together. It’s been a wild ride of late nights and even later mornings, surfing jobs online speckled with informational interviews, watching movies and perusing books – the majority geared towards those of us in our mid-20’s, and just wondering what on earth am I doing, or should be doing.

It’s weird being back. I have a lot of pent-up frustration, and I don’t really know why. There’s certainly a lot of stress with moving and not having a job. It’s like I’m looking for some unique purpose for being here, and while that mindset may have worked as a missionary in Kenya, it only exacerbates the frustration of an unemployed college graduate.

I don’t really know what I want to do, and that’s the most frustrating thing about it. I’m not content to just sit around and enjoy my free time. I want to do something meaningful and worthwhile… I also want to make money and support myself.

In times of self-doubt, I watch movies and read books to identify with heroes. One such recently popular (an oxymoron?) hero is Harry Potter. His ‘exceptionalism’ sets him apart from his peers, yet also creates exceptions for him in the minds of others. Whatever Harry Potter does is OK precisely because he is Harry Potter. We see this time and time again, with characters such as James Bond 007, Jack Bauer (of TV series 24) and Sydney Bristow (of Alias).

I think this idea of ‘exceptionalism’ is a lie, a fantasy we often live vicariously through our heroes but rarely in our own lives. ‘Exceptionalism’ makes for great stories, drama and conflict, all a far cry from our perennial puttering of today. And if I begin to take exception to living as others do, of trying to be different and set myself apart in my own culture, I foment the flames of frustration as my fantasy world collides with reality.

Being in Africa was ‘enough,’ perhaps simply because there’s something special about being there to live for a year. Whenever I don’t know a song on the radio or who were the best sports teams last season, I can use the excuse, “Oh, well, I was in Africa.” People understand without really understanding.

But being in Charlotte is like a weak excuse, or should I say the easy choice, as I decide what it is I really want to do. There’s nothing special about being here, about driving a car, going grocery shopping, being white and middle-class – most people around me are (or at least appear to be) the same. Do any of us really know what we really want to do?

There’s a Buddhist saying, “Wherever you go there you are.” In other words, you determine your own happiness by meditating on your own state of mind, and praying through the thought-walls in order to feel the warm flowing softness of God’s love.

One of my goals in Kenya was, and is now, to build my character. To me, building character means becoming a more patient, knowledgeable and poised person. Yet character is shaped by the community around us, as the sociologist James Hunter notes in A Death of Character. We form and learn character in the society we were brought up in.

Emily recently came to Monroe, LA, with me to visit my grandparents and relatives. We had a fabulous time being hosted by the finest of Southern hospitality, and Em got a brief peek into my early upbringing. Just as Monroe and her people had an effect on my life, so do my surrounding circumstances build or break my character today.

Character building is the active pursuit of reconciling our souls with our circumstance; what’s happening inside our self with what’s going on outside. We must remain true to ourselves as well as what is true in the reality around us. To pursue this integrity, we must walk not simply by sight and with a growing sense of faith.

As long as we’re looking for exceptions, we will have trouble focusing on community. Let us look for commonality rather than ‘exceptionalism,’ seeking humility before pride.

October has arrived and I have a job working part-time with EQV Development doing site acquisition and zoning for cell phone towers. I took the job due to its flexibility and because I’d like to work in urban planning, in both the physical and political design of our communities to promote what they should be: a community of interacting persons.

I feel refocused in my graduate pursuit. I remain interested in development, from both the third and first world perspective. I would like to work with communities and churches here in conjunction and in context with communities in the developing world, working together in mutual partnership so that both sides benefit… and sacrifice to make this world a better place.

There is a hero of mine who had nothing exceptional about him. He lived as others lived, eating and drinking with the poorest of the poor. When he did do something extraordinary, like restoring sight to the blind or raising the dead, he told others not to make mention of his deed. I want to be more like this hero, this person, this Jesus.

So as I go about my day-to-day life, I trust God to give me the eyes to see and ears to hear the peaceful beauty of the ordinary.