Just Cruisin'

The first time I really lived abroad was when I spent a semester studying in Ecuador with a host family in Quito. About halfway through my four-month stay, I found myself running down a beach at night until I fell upon my knees, tears streaming down my face and shouting out to God over the ocean’s crashing waves: “I can’t do this! …I can’t be here.”

Nothing as dramatic has happened during my stay in Kenya, yet I feel myself sliding into a nonchalant, “just cruising” attitude. My boss Dan came up to me the other day and asked if I was still getting all I wanted out of this experience with Church World Service. I appreciate his continued check-ins on how I’m doing, and I must say, I’m living a dream to be here in Africa working with a faith-based NGO… and it ain’t over yet.

I think there are a number of reasons for ‘this round’ abroad not being as intense. Having had my experience in Ecuador as a reference, I was better prepared for this year living abroad. For better or worse, I have not had to learn another language in order to communicate with most people here. I feel like I’m contributing to my life here and have some control; two things I sorely missed as a foreign exchange student.

Already I’m thinking about next year: about making presentations about my experience (already scheduling some dates), about finding a job (no interviews yet!), and just general re-adjustments back to U.S. life in a familiar yet new setting. Thinking about this forthcoming world apart, I’m taken from this present, amazing reality I’m floating through… rather than walking purposefully. And on some level I feel like I can no longer give it my all, and am content to just cruise until I land back on US soil July 27th.

And then I remember the response I received, eyes staring unfocusedly into the blackness of space. Out of the hollow darkness of silence called a voice: “I know you can’t, but I can. I am here. Always.”